Attraction doesn’t work the same way for everyone. For some people, who they’re drawn to – and how strongly – can shift over time.
One British writer’s 30-year journey shows what that can look like in real life.
“I never felt like my sexuality stayed still”
In a personal essay for Metro UK, writer Emma Flint, from Staffordshire, England, describes spending most of her life feeling like her sexuality was constantly moving.
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As a teen and young adult, she first labelled herself a lesbian. Later, she found herself attracted to men. At other times, she felt drawn to people of multiple genders – and sometimes, she didn’t feel much sexual attraction to anyone at all.
From the outside, it might have looked like she was “changing her mind.” From the inside, it felt like her orientation kept shifting.
She writes that she often felt lost and even dishonest, because she would update the way she described herself to friends and family depending on how she felt at the time. It wasn’t indecision, she says – it was that her identity genuinely seemed to move.
For years, she didn’t have language for what she was experiencing. That changed when she stumbled across the word “abrosexual” in an online space.
For the first time, she felt like there was a label that matched her reality, and she describes feeling deeply seen by it.
So what does “abrosexual” mean?
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Healthline describes abrosexuality as a kind of sexual fluidity. In simple terms, it refers to people whose sexual attraction changes over time – sometimes in terms of who they’re attracted to, and sometimes in terms of how much attraction they feel at all.
That might mean, for example:
Feeling attracted mainly to one gender for a while, then noticing that attraction broaden to several genders
Experiencing periods of strong sexual interest followed by stretches with little or no sexual attraction, similar to asexual feelings
Moving between identities like “gay,” “bi,” “straight,” or “pansexual” at different points in life, while the underlying pattern is that things keep shifting
Traditional labels such as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual or pansexual usually focus on which genders you’re attracted to.
“Abrosexual” is different: it doesn’t lock in a gender pattern – it focuses on the fact that attraction itself is changeable over time.
Emma’s experience of abrosexuality
Looking back, Emma says that her attractions have always been fluid. She explains that she cares more about the person than their gender, and that her sense of sexuality can feel different from one phase of life to another.
Even after finding a label that fits, she still runs into misunderstanding. Some people, she says, insist that she should “pick a lane” so that her identity is easier for them to understand. Others treat abrosexuality as if it’s just a trend or a phase.
Her response is clear: just because someone hasn’t heard of a label, or doesn’t personally relate to it, doesn’t make it less real. For her, abrosexuality isn’t about attention – it’s simply the most accurate word for how her attraction works.
What abrosexuality can look like in everyday life
Experts point out that there’s no single way to “be” abrosexual. Still, common patterns often show up:
Short-term shifts
Someone might feel mostly attracted to one gender for a few days or weeks, then notice their attraction moving toward another gender, or fading for a while.
Slower, longer shifts
Over months or years, a person might move from feeling straight, to feeling queer or bi, to feeling mostly asexual for a time, then back again.
Changes in intensity
It’s not only who they’re attracted to that can change. The level of attraction can rise and fall too – from very strong to almost none.
Big-picture evolution
A person might spend many years identifying confidently with one label (for example, straight or lesbian), then later realize that their orientation has changed enough that the old label no longer fits.
Because of this, abrosexual people can feel extra pressure when others expect them to keep one fixed identity forever. Their real experience doesn’t match that expectation.
“I hope one day it’s seen as just another normal identity”
For Emma, discovering the term “abrosexual” did more than give her a new word – it gave her peace. Instead of seeing herself as inconsistent or “fake,” she could understand her changing attraction as a valid orientation in its own right.
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She hopes that, with time, abrosexuality will be treated like any other sexual identity: not as a passing fad or something to mock, but as one of many ways people can genuinely experience attraction.
Her story underlines how powerful language and representation can be.
Without the right words, people often feel broken, confused, or alone. With them, they can finally say: this is who I am.
What do you think about lesser-known identities like abrosexuality? Stories like Emma’s are opening up space for more people to recognize themselves and feel less alone in how their attraction works.
